INDIANA JEAN

At 86, my Mom decided to zip-line her way through a local rainforest. Damn the aneurism and seizures, this is a bucket list mission and she shall not be swayed. Of course, she aces it, like she has so many things in life. But let her tell it...

If I write something down on my bucket list I WILL do it. WHY I SHOULD NOT DO IT: I have a serious case of acrophobia. My doctors say don’t do anything stressful, climb ladders, etc., [aneurism in my head, seizures]. WHY I WILL DO IT: If I die I die. I like to do things that scare me. I don’t ever do anything twice. It seemed like an interesting idea for my sons to be able to say “Our father died in Mandini S. Africa and our mom died on a zipline“. I had heard about the one on Camano and thought it was the perfect opportunity to do it while visiting my sister, Pat. Greg was to have dinner with us on Wednesday so I asked if he wanted to come early and go with me. He offered to bring his camera.

We arrived at two without a reservation. We had to fill out forms. On the form it asked if we had ever had a seizure. My heart sank. I turned to Greg and said “Guess we have to skip it.” But you know me. Always truthful and always TMI. I told the receptionist that I had had a seizure two years before but was taking pills and had not had a problem since. She called the owner who took me aside to talk in private. And to judge my mental capacity and asked if I had passed out during the seizure. I said yes, but I had strong arms and loved speed. My legs were weak so I was concerned about the bit of hiking but I was sure I could handle it and I had wanted to do it for a long time. She decided I could go and said the guides would go as slow as I needed.

Our two male guides were young, charming, patient, and very capable and experienced. The course was 5 star rated for safety. They helped us into our harness and gave us hardhats and instructions. Namely: FOLLOW OUR DIRECTIONS. Our 5 other teammates looked like a pleasant and intelligent group. No bratty kids. It had been raining so it was cool which was very pleasant. All systems go.

We loaded into the van and drove to the first line. There were six lines in all, some short, some long, some fast and some slow. Between the 5th and 6th line was a log bridge. But I would cross that when I came to it.

We stood on the first small platform while one of the guides hooked our harness to cables which were attached to a Douglas fir younger than I. We were to pass one tree that had been split in half by wind and another by lightening - a reminder that M. Nature was in charge after all. While the others hooked up and took off, I watched them and looked down at the deep wide view and told Greg there was no way I could go. He said whatever I wanted to do. But while my mind climbed down and went home I told Greg to go ahead, and in an out-of-body experience let myself get hooked up, stood on the edge of the platform, took Greg’s advice and did some yoga breathing. The guide said to sit down into the harness. It consisted of straps around each thigh, up the backside and around the waist. Zombie like I sat down which was surprisingly comfortable and supportive, closed my eyes and took off.  About half way I realized I loved the sensation and opened my eyes. Which was a good thing as each landing was a bit tricky and required a different technique. But the guides were there to slow us down and stop us. Then to get hooked up to the next cable and go again. Now that I was an old pro I could open my eyes, kick my legs, let go with one hand and wave. 

The team was very encouraging. At one point we did have to hike up hill for a bit but one guide stayed behind with Greg and me, and let me go at my own pace. After 4 rides I was almost bored. Been there, done that. However, the dreaded bridge came up between the 5th and 6th. It was like those very tippy, swinging rope bridges so cringeworthy in adventure movies. This was made of about 6” diameter, debarked logs made slippery by the rain and spaced close to 8” apart. OMG. No rope handles, just the cable. Directions were to stay in the middle, step on every other log and go at a steady pace. I followed the directions very conscientiously and still wriggled a bit at the end. But, once across, I realized I had really enjoyed it and would never have to do it again.

The last platform had a hole in it large enough to drop a body thru. Oh yeah. Von was unhooking the back of my cord so he could put the new gear on and I said “It has been years since a man unhooked me.” My day would not be complete without embarrassing my son at least once. We were each lowered thru the hole to the ground and the adventure was over. It was great!

So what’s next? Not parachuting. Not bungee jumping. Not hanging from a trapeze by my knees from an airborne biplane. Not fire walking, but I would if confronted with it. No tats, no face lifts, (who cares?), Not crossing the Bering Straits by Kayak. However, I have never done a 20 minute shtick in front of a loud, drunk, noisy, group on open mic. As soon as I get the material together it WILL be done. It shall be done. It is practically a done deal. It is next on my bucket list. But if you think any of you bozos are invited, fahgit aboudit.

Mom gives herself a well deserved pat on the back :-)